Fantasy drafts will be starting hot and heavy here in the upcoming weeks so what better way to prepare then studying a bunch of mock drafts on the internets. Here is our first crack at one.
1. Mangled Pickles – Arian Foster RB, Houston Texans
RBs are thin this year so getting the best of the bunch at pick one is a solid choice.
2. Rhythmic Slapping – Ray Rice RB, Baltimore Ravens
Ol’ Ray Ray got his deal, so barring injury, there is nothing in his way from once again lighting up the fantasy scoreboard.
3. Three Breasted Sea Bass – Aaron Rodgers QB, Green Bay Packers
Rodgers single handedly made teams playoff contenders last season and there is no reason to think he can’ t do it again.
4. Karl Dunbar’s Face – LeSean McCoy RB, Philadelphia Eagles
McCoy will catch a ton of balls while racking up great rushing numbers again this season. He’s a top 4 pick in all formats.
5. Lukewarm Innards – Calvin Johnson WR, Detroit Lions
A case could be made for Drew Brees here but unless you believe in the Madden Curse, Megatron is definitely worth a top 5 pick.
6. Sunshine Kisses – Drew Brees QB, New Orleans Saints
Ol wartface put up historic passing numbers last season, and should do the same again this year.
7. Herman Sass – Ryan Mathews RB, San Diego Chargers
There is plenty of risk with Mathews this high, but without Mike Tolbert around to steal TDs, his upside is to the moon.
8. Reduse, Reuse, Recycle – Chris Johnson RB, Tennessee Titans
I may be in the minority here, but I think Johnson has a bounce back season, and puts in a performance closer to his 2009 and 2010 numbers.
9. Zero Underoos – Trent Richardson RB, Cleveland Browns
Don’t let the fact that he’s a rookie bother you, Richardson is due for a heavy workload, and should put up big numbers on the ground and in the air.
10. Wrinkled Bags – Tom Brady QB, New England Patriots
Brady is a pretty safe pick at this point and should once again put up crazy good passing numbers.
11. Tecmo Champs – Jimmy Graham TE, New Orleans Saints
It used to be that only my drunken father would take a TE in the first round, but this year it will be a shock if Graham and Gronk aren’t both first round selections in most leagues.
12. Snorgus – Rob Gronkowski TE, New Engalnd Patriots
The Gronker put up numbers better than most WRs last season. I don’t know if he can do it again, but I do know he looks good wearing nothing but a football pinata.
ROUND 2
13. Snorgus – Maurice Jones Drew RB, Jacksonville Jaguars
MJD lead all backs in rushing last season, but he slides here due to his potential holdout.
14. Tecmo Champs – Matthew Stafford QB, Detroit Lions
Stafford is just entering his prime and is the trigger man in one of the league’s most explosive offenses.
15. Wrinkled Bags – Matt Forte RB, Chicago Bears
I’d be more exicted about my boy Forte if Michael Bush wasn’t lingering on the roster. He should still catch a ton of balls, and put up good numbers.
16. Zero Underoos – Cam Newton QB, Carolina Panthers
Newton could have a sophomore slump, but even if he did, he’d still be worth a second round pick after that crazy good rookie year of his.
17. Reduse, Reuse, Recycle – Larry Fitzgerald WR, Arizona Cardinals
Fitzy would be more attractive with a better QB in place, but he should still be a solid no. 1 option.
18. Herman Sass – Wes Welker WR, New England Patriots
Welker gets bumped up in a PPR as he could easily catch over 100 balls again.
19. Sunshine Kisses – Jamaal Charles RB, Kansas City Chiefs
Couple negatives on Charles this year with the bounce back from the injury and Hillis in town to vulture carries. That being said, he should still have a season worthy of a lower end no. 1 back.
20. Lukewarm Innards – DeMarco Murray RB, Dallas Cowboys
Murray came out of nowhere to have a great season last year before geting injured. He should be back to 100% and looking to repeat his success from a year ago.
21. Karl Dunbar’s Face – Adrian Peterson RB, Minnesota Vikings
Late in round 2 is a good time to gamble on AD. Gerhart will need to be drafted earlier for insurance but the payoff could be down right sinful.
22. Three Breasted Sea Bass – Darren McFadden RB, Oakland Raiders
McFadden can’t seem to stay healthy but when he is, he is a definitely worthy of being a no. 1 type of fantasy back. He comes with risk, but the reward could be great.
23. Rhythimic Slapping – Andre Johnson WR, Houston Texans
Andre lost his title as the no. 1 WR in fantasy, but with a healthy season he could approach that status once again.
24. Mangled Pickles – Roddy White WR, Atlanta Falcons
White isn’t as attractive as he used to be and it could be argued that Jones should go ahead of him, but he’s a great red zone weapon and should still be targeted heavily.
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